Dirty Hairy
I went to a store so I could rest or restore my body of star. No sport, no effort, no fornication, I wasn’t there for action, just a bit of human interaction. In the middle of the room, I could see only a bunch of old women sitting in rows with some kind of extraterrestrial, spherical, metal thing on top of the head. The aspirator noise of each of these machines running at the same time was barely tolerable. For a second, I thought I was on the runway of an airport, watching lanes of planes getting ready for departure. But the smell was so far away from the smell of gasoil being burned that the illusion didn’t last really long. Slowly I started to notice younger women standing around the others with weird tools in their hands. In fact, I noticed there weren’t only ladies under the Hoovers. Some of them, probably done with their reactor, were laying down on huge, comfortable seats on the sides of the room.
A pretty girl with a dangerous smile came to talk to me:
- Hi sir, good afternoon, can I help you?
- Hummm… I humed back
- Would you like to have your hair done, today? We have special formulas for men, really relaxing, refreshing and it makes you win ten years in appearance!
The sentence continued to resonate in my head like the strange sound made by Buddhist monks during their prayers. The words seemed English, each of them with their own meaning, commonly used in everyday speeches, but together they were making something apparently impossible to understand or even stand. So I humed again and tried to look like the decision was difficult to take and deserve some time of reflection, because a mistake would represent a too big disaster to be worth the risk. The girl continued smiling, the blowing stuff continued noising, the time continued passing, the pressure became too heavy so I said:
- Thank you very much, miss, I’ll take the formula. Let’s make it funky!
At the moment I was nearly proud of myself; so much confidence in the voice, and so much happiness in the tone. Where all that was coming from? Where was it going to lead me? I was already a different person, a better person. I would enjoy my new me.
My gorgeous hostess asked me to follow her. I did. She brought me on the right side of the room, made me sit on a not as confi as the other chairs seat and did a u-turn with it so I was facing the middle of the room and could see the great herd of gray hair. While I was observing the crowd, trying to get more details about this ritual, my head was pulled backwards. Strong but sensual fingers started going all over the top of my head. I felt some nice hot water wetting my long dirty hair. The massage was going from hard Shaolin technique to soft breeze of a cloud and vice versa. The contact of her skin with my brain made my thoughts go wild. I was thinking sea, sex and sun; dick, decks and drunk. The voice of the goddess saving my soul with her hands was singing in my ears. It wasn’t words; it was notes of the ode to paradise land. Could this last forever? Could I die here so my ghost could stay here for the rest of eternity? Please, tell me I can.
- Yes, we can! Came out from speakers I hadn’t noticed before.
- Yes, weak ham it’s the week-end, continued the speakers.
- Weak hair? Come here, we care for your hair… (little melody then stopped like nothing happened)
- Hum, I’m sorry miss but what was that exactly? I questioned.
- Sorry sir, is the water too hot for your skin?
- Hum, no, the water’s perfect. I was talking about the voice in the speakers. Was it some strange advertisement for your establishment or just the manager trying to motivate his team?
- I’m sorry sir, you must be misunderstanding. I didn’t hear anything. The speakers are not plugged at the moment; we’re waiting for a man to sort it out.
- Is this man special or anyone would work? Came out of my mouth without me realizing what kind of stupid and sick question that was before it arrived in the beauty’s ears.
- You’re funny sir! But you know you should take better care of your hair. They’re so long and beautiful, they deserve to be treated with respect and love.
- Hum, I don’t really pay attention to them since a long long time ago in a far far away farm. I saw my dad getting pulled by the hair in a grape-picking machine. He shouted and shouted again for help but I was too small, I couldn’t pull him back. The machine finally ate him completely. Just in front of my eyes. His blood mixed with the blood of the grapes was dripping slowly on the mud while the machine continued moving forward. I was only five at the time. Since then, I’ve always dislike hair. I just cut them myself when I feel they could be dangerous for my health, like my dad. Never brushed them, never washed them, and never watched them.
- Oh Maria Joseph Jesus son of god and god I’m so incredibly deeply sorry for what I said it’s because I didn’t knew I just wanted to be nice I liked your hair and I wanted them to be loved like I could love them. I’m so sorry oh so sorry is there anything I could do or do you want somebody else to take you in charge because I would completely understand that you hate me and you don’t want me to touch you again anymore ever again or anytime again?! Said the desperate in just two words.
- First of all, I would say « fuck Jesus » and then I would add it’s out of question to get rid of you just because you tried to help. So please continue, my dear.
- Yes sir, it’s real nice of you to say that. You won’t regret it again.
The massage continued from where it had stopped. I slowly fell back in my thoughts. The sea with the sweet. I could see the royal suite. Dictator from D to C.
I couldn’t tell how long it lasted but it wasn’t eternity so it was too short when she said:
- Your hair are clean, sir. We can go to next station now.
- Really? I asked with a silly smile.
To what she answered with the smartest innocence possible:
- Yes, we can…
Satisfied, I stood up and follow my mistress like an old puppy. We crossed the room to join the super confi looking chairs where I laid down slowly, enjoying every second, every inch conquered of this divine bed. All my body shook when I reached the final destination as a reward for the pleasure I gave him. The angel passed and put a dark, plastic robe all around me, probably to protect me from the fall of my scalp on my shoulders. This place was definitely the future, or a part of it. I could see in fifty years every building, shop and house replaced by this kind of establishment where men and women could just relax and not think about what life looks like outside, because there wouldn’t be any outside. Only peace on earth. Yes, the future would look like this and like nothing else (if our bosses were able to not push the red button till then).
The rose took a pair of scissor and a cone just sitting next to her. She came close to me, went to my right side, and pushed some hair backwards. Then she moved behind me, I could see her in the mirror looking deeply inside my head, she gave me two shots of cone at the bottom. Then she moved on my left, waited for a minute without a single movement, and brushed once the top of my ear. And then, finally she moved in front of me, looked at the top of the hairy face and waited. I couldn’t stop staring at her eyes, like a magpie staring at the most pretty, green, and shiny jewels. It felt like I could swim in them and nearly felt the fresh water blowing my face. And slowly, so slowly I wasn’t even sure they were really moving; but they were; her eyes went down from my horns to mine. The room, the street, the town, the country, the continent, the continents, the seas, the oceans, the people, their problems, my problems, my body, my fears, my angers and my dark passenger all vanished away. Nothing has really ever existed before that moment, and nothing else than this could ever exist after. The time was under her charm as well and decided to stare with me. We flew from stars to stars, galaxies to entities in the green infinite space. It felt warm and soft. Even the air was lighter and tasted better. I died at this moment…
Or maybe a little bit later… but not that long.
My swim in her greenness might have been too deep because she suddenly moved back on my right, brushed a bit, and started cutting my hair quickly. I realized how Samson must have feel when they did this to him. I could see my face changing in my reflection. The relax part was probably over, and now I supposed, it was time for the real thing. I would become a different and better person even if I have to suffer hell for it. The scissors danced around me for a while. I was just looking at my savior without paying any attention to my portrait. Her arms, legs and bum were moved by the wind. I couldn’t see her feet and thought they weren’t touching the ground. Then she started swapping tools. I didn’t really understand how many scissors, cones, brushes, and unnamed objects I can’t even describe she was using. Probably because I didn’t really care about the tools, and didn’t understand either what could be the difference between two cones. Isn’t a cone supposed to brush? If it doesn’t, it’s useless, so get rid of it. And if it does, why one isn’t enough? Except if you’re able to use two at a time, I don’t see the point.
But anyway, she was using more than two of everything and I was just pleased she had to dance and sing longer. Her voice was making the melody of this wonderful ballet. I was under her charm and her control, I was in her possession, I was her puppet, her pet, or her carpet, and I could be more, anything she wanted, anything she could use, or even anything she could through from the moment I was in her life, in her power.
And suddenly, the music stopped. The dream ended. I came back to reality and looked around to see what could have disturbed this peaceful moment. My look got caught in the Greenland again but this time the door was closed. No swimming. Her expression wasn’t the same. It wasn’t welcoming, neither angry, but something else without any relation. My head was still spinning from my trip to her beauty. The reality was still blurry and I had to concentrate a lot to remember the earth, the continents, the town, the people, this place, the society, the rules, the barriers, the guards, the morality and the mortality, all of that connected to me in some way. It’s only elements, facts, variables and constants in a quiet big equation but an equation with solutions non infinite. The most difficult and unpredictable variable is of course…
- Are you alright sir? The green ocean said. Or at least that’s the first sentence I manage to hear after my little romantic ride.
- Hum, yeah, yeah, I’m good, sorry for the black out, I was somewhere else. You know how this kind of thing happens. Just sitting, relaxing, listening the nice melody and “bim” you’re gone, flying in the world of your imagination, jumping on giant marshmallows, walking on river of wine, breathing the fresh smoke coming out from the grass. You know?
- Hum, I guess you have more imagination than me, sir. The last time I flew away, I went to the beach and stayed sunbathing during a whole life. And that’s not the worst of the story. When I woke up, I was actually on the beach, sunbathing. But I must have sleep too long because I was completely frozen, the sun was long gone, first behind clouds, then behind the earth. I was alone on the dark sand, just the noise of the waves washing the shame. So now, I’m not really excited by day dreaming.
- That’s a terrible story. You nearly beat me and my dad. But look at me, today I’m a new man again, thanks to you, the past will stay in the past and the future can start today. I’m sure you can do the same and dream again. I’ll be your lighthouse. I’ll show you how you can be who you want to be. Look at me. Look…
…
I saw my face in the mirror.
Words got stuck down my throat. I couldn’t breathe. This person, my reflection was looking at me straight in the eyes. But it couldn’t be me. I was still dreaming. The reality was fake. The truth was a lie. Right became wrong, white became black, I became white before I blacked out (passed out).
When I woke up the wolf disguise as a sheep was trying to offer me a glass of liquid.
- Oh sir, are you feeling better? I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. You were talking to me and…
- You’re talking to me? I said are you talking to me?
- Hum, yes sir. I’m s…
- What the fuck have you done? What the fucking fuck? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…………….
- Sir, sir, please, can you keep it more quiet, please. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Your hair looks gorgeous. And I don’t think anybody could do funkier than this.
- Funkier?!? What the funk?
- Well, you said “make it funky”. That’s the formula “make it funky”. So what’s the problem?
- …
Bad thoughts went through my head. The last one was involving her, scissors, and eyes popped. Then, seeing the green oceans covered by blood made me realize how stupid I was, so I just said:
- Can you let me swim in your eyes one more time?
