The Goat’s Goal
I was just ending the long and detailed explanation of my problem:
"... and so I said to her :
- There is no “like” in my vocabulary,
Can I be your Bill and you my Hilary?"
The shrink thought my story was hilarious,
He said to me: “Sir, you are as serious as ridiculous!
- Excuse me? I pay you a high price to cry.” I reply,
- Not at all, I’m the guy who will reveal your biggest lie.
- I don’t lie, I just die…
- So what do you complain about? I have no life for sell.
- I’m not in heaven but in hell and she’s an angel, si belle.
- So you can’t reach her?
- Only if I was richer…
- More money to touch the sky? Wouldn’t you have to sell your soul?
- Sans un sou je me saoule dans le souci.
- Sorry, I’m not French, can’t you see?
- Si, si, I can see you don’t get the pain I feel.
- The problem seems that you are anglophile.
- No, I love her but can’t live under this giant grey cloud.
- Go and tell her that, yell it, shout it, say it loud.
- She won’t listen cause she likes me but loves her country.
- One, two, three, take the apple in the green tree.
- What the …?
- Watson.
- Fuck doc, look at the clock, you can’t mock, I’m not a rock but in shock…
- I would like to help you, so I will tell you a story. Listen. Don’t say a word. Wait until the end. And then I will let you think about the moral of this story for five minutes. When you will be sure and ready, you will tell me what is on your mind.
Are you okay with this?
- If it can help finally after all your nonsense, I’m okay. I will shut up, think, judge and tell you my dark thoughts.
The doctor looked deeply inside my eyes and started his story:
“Once upon a time was a bee named Sugar. She lived in the woods with all her family and friends. Life was easy. She didn’t have to work. She could spend the whole day outside, discovering new flowers, colors, shapes, odors and feelings incredibly delightful. She loved the nature so much that the nature gave her a beauty impossible to reproduce or describe. Our soul was made out of a rough diamond containing a tiny fragment of all the stars in the universe. No need to say everybody loved her.
One day, her dad told her she was old enough now and had to go and visit the wise bee of the clan. Her house was far far away in the woods, on the other side of the black lake and it was quiet dangerous to go there but what doesn’t kill you make you a better bee so Sugar was pleased to go and see the famous wise bee.
The road was quiet and Sugar started to think that it was all a big thing for nothing and she wouldn’t learn that much from this little fly.
That’s the moment Fudge the goat chose to reveal herself to the bee:
- Hello, holla, ollala, what a beautiful little creature this is.
- Hum, hello, I’m Sugar.
- Oh sweet sweet little thing. Isn’t that gorgeous. I’m Fudge. I live around, eating grass all day long, having fun and relaxing mainly. Do you want to come and see my house? It’s right here.
- Hum, okay, but quickly because I have important revelations to hear from the Wisebee.
- Don’t worry, it won’t take long and I’m sure you’ll find something interesting in my mess!
Sugar and Fudge flee and walked during a long long time. The landscape was getting more and more pretty every step. The smells were unbelievable, the colors brighter than anything the bee has ever seen. The weird couple started slowly to like each other. The path was long but refreshing. The atmosphere became so warm and peaceful. The little bee had never felt anything like this before. She wanted to spend more time with Fudge. She forgot the Wisebee and stayed with her new friend for a while.
Life was easy. They were happy.
Unfortunately the weather started to change. The sun disappeared. Black clouds arrived. The wind became violent. The couple had to get inside a safe place. They went inside a big strong tree where they felt in security.
Days passed in laugh. Days passed in cough.
The little bee was missing her friends, family and treats. The goat was starving.
Days passed in silence. Days passed in sufferance.
Then Fudge said: “I’m starving.”
“There are some mushrooms at the bottom of the tree. Maybe you can eat them.” Answer Sugar weakly.
The goat started to eat slowly. The energy was coming back inside her body but the taste wasn’t there. It was good to eat but without any taste it seemed nearly useless. So Fudge became bitter. Life had lost her taste. Even the bee seemed grey with grey stripes.
Sugar wanted to eat as well but she couldn’t digest the mushrooms so she just kept quiet thinking her friend at least was happy for both of them.
Days copied each other. Day after day, mushroom after mushroom.
A little voice appeared in Fudge brain. At the beginning she couldn’t hear a word but the voice continued talking and the words became clearer:
“Just a little piece of sugar. For the taste. A little piece of sugar. Come on. Take a bit.”
And the voice continued until the poor goat looked at her friend and saw a wonderful bright star lighting the inside of the tree. The heat came back in the goat’s body. Hope embraced her soul. Her hand reached the bee and squeezed it.
Sugar was surprised at first. She thought her friend was losing her mind or just hated her too much. So she let herself be squeezed. A drop of her blood came out and fell on a mushroom.
Fudge picked it, brought it between her lips and sucked it. Tears grew under her eyes. She had never taste such a good food in all her life. She felt touch by some kind of higher animal, master of the universe. Life had been given to her for this moment. Her purpose was to eat Sugar. Nothing else mattered. She squeezed Sugar.
Mushroom.
Mouth.
Sugar.
Mushroom.
Mouth.
Sugar.
“Sugar. Sugar. Oh Sugar ! I killed you… I killed you…” shouted the goat completely hysterical.
After that, Fudge never came out of the tree. The legend says that she’s still alive because of the energy of the bee and continues eating the mushrooms at the bottom of her existence growing thanks to the flow of tears she can’t stop.
That’s it. The story is finished; you have five minutes to explore both your dark and your bright side. Go deep inside yourself. Open this door closed since too long. Look inside. Look. Look.”
The eyes of the shrink were so heavy. I wanted to sleep. Just a quick power nap. Here, on the sofa. Right now. Sleep. A goat, a sheep. A plane, a ship. Not rich but cheap. Trick or chips? Rose or shit? Two or cheat? Me and she?
Oh sweet, sweet sugar. I squeezed, squished so hard. The doc is right… I killed you… and now I will live forever in the darkness, eating the mold of my wet existence.
The strong voice took me out my dreams and said:
“The five minutes are gone. So, Sir? Tell me what you understood.
- She’s dead and I will stay alone where I stood.
- You are too extreme. Humans are not wood.
- I’m the tree of guilt, the shame of my hood.
- You got it wrong. You follow your sad mood.
- I wish I could be sent on the dark side of the moon.
- You choose to be in a drama instead of a cartoon.
- Don’t worry; I won’t bother you anymore, soon.
- Wake up; you’ve been hit by a feeling, not a tycoon.
- My tears are flowing since so long, they made a lagoon.
- Too much time in bars and sordid saloons.
- I should be behind bars like a baboon.
- Like a raccoon, I reckon!
- Il déconne ? You’re a fucking comic. Come on stand up. Make your show. Make me laugh. Make me live. Make me leave…”
At this moment his story came back in my mind but from a different angle. I thought about my life. About other’s life, other’s woods. About History, geography, physics, metaphysics, cat’s paradox, Pavlov’s dog, gorillas in the mist, guerillas in the south, glory to the soul, glowy like the sun, loved like a son. Then I thought about my problems. My love. My goat…
And I laughed. I laughed like I did a long long time ago when I was happy.
Life was easy.
I stood up, congratulate the doc, squeezed his hand, open the window and flew away.
